Things I stopped apologizing for in my forties.

I keep a running list of things I used to apologize for and do not anymore. It is not in any order. It just keeps getting longer, and every line on it took me years to earn.

Here are the ones I can show you.

Resting.

I spent years of my life mostly bedbound. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome will do that, and mine went full body, which is the rare and brutal version. For a long time I treated every hour I spent lying down as something to be sorry for. Like rest was a debt I was running up.

It is not. My body has carried me through seventeen years of a hard illness. When it asks me to lie down, that is not weakness. That is information. I listen to it now, and I do not say sorry while I do.

Saying no without a reason.

For most of my thirties I thought no had to come with a story attached. A schedule conflict, a diagnosis, something that justified it. Now I know that I can, but thank you for thinking of me is a complete sentence. I do not owe anyone the reason. Most days the reason is just that my body has had a week.

Needing help.

There were years my husband Aaron washed my hair and fed me. Years my kids carried chores no kid that age should carry. I used to apologize for that constantly, like my being sick was something I was doing to them.

It was not. We were a family getting through a hard thing together, and it made them close and strong and good. The hardest season of our lives did not break them. It built them. I am not sorry we needed each other. That is what a family is for.

Going to bed early.

I get tired when I get tired. Some nights that is nine o'clock. The wellness internet has opinions about this. I have stopped reading them. A slow, early night is one of the quiet good things I have left, and I am not going to apologize for taking it.

Choosing soft over impressive.

The first time I built The Unbroken Smile, the dark and heavy posts got all the attention. I learned the hard way what chasing that costs. So this time I am building it soft and strong instead, even though soft is quieter and slower to grow. I would rather build something true than something loud.

My body.

This is the big one. My body changed the rules on me at thirty-two and it has changed them many times since. I spent a lot of energy being sorry for that. I do not anymore. It got me here. It deserves a soft afternoon and a little grace, not a critique.

The list I would love to see.

Make your own. Three things, ten things, it does not matter. Just write down what you have quietly stopped apologizing for, the things you used to over-explain. You will be surprised how long the list gets once you start.

And if you are not sure yet, if you know you have outgrown something but cannot name it, that is exactly what the free starter kit is for. Five reflection prompts, no rush, no grading.

No matter what you have been through, you can still smile.

Jill